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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Mind Over Magic" from Season 4, which aired on November 7, 2003.

Script

[The episode starts at Dimmsdale Elementary School, in Timmy's class]

• Mr. Crocker: (voiceover) Well class, there's only one minute left before school's out.

[ Timmy is sitting on his desk and takes out Cosmo and Wanda in the shape of books]

• Cosmo: Ah, the light, I love the light
• Mr. Crocker: Which means it's time for a pop quiz! Quick, how many seconds are there in a year?
• Students: Pick me!
• Mr. Crocker: On Mars!
• A.J.: Uh, uh
• Mr. Crocker: F! Fs for everybody! Ha-ha-ha!

[Mr. Crocker opens the door to the ceiling and drops a lot of F grades]

• Cosmo: The dark it's back! Ow, a paper cut
• Timmy: Is it me or has Mr. Crocker gone crazy with the pop quizzes?
• Mr. Crocker: Pop quiz!
• Chester: That's a yes.
• Mr. Crocker: Quick! What is the daily recommended dosage of Vitamin B-12?! (beat) Too late! F! F's for everyone! It's an F-A-Palooza! All you can eat Fs!
• Cosmo: Wow, look at all the failure!
• Timmy: F! F! Super F?! Man! I am so sick of all these pop quizzes. How can I stop Crocker from surprising me?
• Cosmo: You can't! It's not like you're a mind reader!
• Wanda: If there were just some way you could know when he was going to pop a quiz, you could be ready for it!
• Cosmo: Like a mind reader would!
• Timmy: You're right, Wanda. And if I were ready for the quizzes every time and always got good grades, Crocker might give up on them!
• Cosmo: If only you could read minds!
• Timmy: You know what might work? If I could read minds!
• Wanda: That's a great idea!
• Cosmo: Hey!!! Why didn't I think of that?
• Timmy: I wish I had the power to read minds!
• Cosmo: Well? Does it work?
• Wanda: (thinking, voiceover) What a stupid question! Of course it works, you twit! (stops thinking) That’s a great question, Cosmo. I love you.
• Timmy: (laughing) Cool, it works! OK, Cosmo, let's read YOUR mind!

[Cosmo's empty head plays an elevator music.]

• Timmy: Elevator music?
• Wanda: You can't hear his thoughts because there's nothing going on in there!
• Cosmo: Oh yeah? Then what's this rattling?

[SFX: RATTLING]

• Wanda: Oh, my stuff! Cosmo's empty head is such a convenient carrying case!

[SFX: NOSE BLOWING]

• Timmy: This is gonna be great! I never thought I'd say this but... I can't wait for school tomorrow!
• Mr. Crocker: Look! Up in the sky! Is it a D? Is it an E? No! It’s Super F!
• Timmy: Good morning, Mr. Crocker!
• Mr. Crocker: (Timmy reads Crocker's thoughts) Hello Turner- (through mind) You poor innocent sap who has no clue I am going to pop a quiz on Botswana! The capital of which is Gabarone! Maybe he'll cry! That would be great! I could bottle his tears and sell them on the Internet!
• Timmy: (laughs)
• Mr. Crocker: Amigos! Examen sorpresa! Which is Spanish for POP QUIZ! What is the capitol of Botswana? You! You! You!
• Timmy: Gabarone!
• Mr. Crocker: WRONG! F! (totally taken aback) I mean... Right? A?
• Mr. Crocker: (voiceover) I don't understand! How could I have failed? Where did I go wrong?! Did I leave the curling iron on? And when will I find a child’s tears?
• Timmy: I got an A! On a pop quiz! (to self) I'll bet my friends are thrilled for me!
• A.J.: (voiceover) Lucky.
• Chester: (voiceover) Cheater.
• Elmer: (voiceover) I hope nobody notices my boil has a mind of its own.
• Elmer's Boil: Silence you fool! Wait. Turn your head, turn your head.
• Timmy: Millard Fillmore. 13th President. Your mother called you Flippy. See ya!
• Mr. Crocker: There is only one way a student could be so totally prepared for my quizzes and know that my mother called me "Flippy..." He was given mind-reading powers by... FAIRY GODPARENTS!
• Wanda: Oh how was...
• Timmy: ...school? Awesome!
• Cosmo: Hey, you're still reading...
• Timmy: ...minds? You bet! And best of all, Crocker hasn't given a quiz in two days! This mind- reading wish works perfectly.
• Wanda: Great Timmy! So are you ready to stop reading minds... (through mind; voiceover) ...before you start using your powers to mess with your friends' heads like a big show-offy jerk?
• Timmy: Oh now there’s a thought.
• Wanda: Timmy! Wait! Instead of messing around with your friends' heads like a big show-offy jerk, how about a nice picnic? Look! I packed a lunch!
• Cosmo: It stays fresh because my head is vacuum sealed!

[Cosmo's empty head plays an elevator music again.]

• Cosmo: Cool! Dinner theater!
• A.J.: (voiceover) I hope he doesn't say A-5.
• Timmy: A-5.
• A.J.: You fragged my frigate!
• Mr. Crocker: That's it, Turner, flaunt your magically obtained mental powers on the weak and unsuspecting! But you'll never again be able to read my mind once it's encased... In this convenient and portable lead-lined anti mind-reading helmet!

[SFX: THUNK]

• Mr. Crocker: GAH!
• Timmy: Hi Trixie!
• Trixie: Um... hello. Why is this loser talking to me?
• Timmy: (thinking to self) Oh, sure, she's saying that. But let's see if that's how she really feels. (reads her thoughts)
• Trixie: (thinking about Timmy) Why is this loser talking to me?
• Veronica: (thinking about Timmy with hearts in her eyes) Why isn't that loser talking to me!?
• The Bouncer: [thinking] Why am I working for ten-year-olds? Why didn't I finish college? (notices Timmy and grabs him by the head) Hey, maybe I can beat the answers out of this kid.
• Timmy: AAAAHHHH!
• Mr. Crocker: That's it Turner. So sure, of yourself. So safe... But now that I have perfected my Anti Mind-Reading Helmet, you will be helpless when I spring my completely secret trap and capture your...
• Mr. Crocker: FAIRY GODPARENTS!

[SFX: CRASH]

• Mr. Crocker: (screams)

[SFX: BELL RINGS]

• A.J. and Chester: (whispers)
• Timmy: Hey guys! What's going on?
• Elmer: (lying) Not a thing!
• Timmy: (to self) We'll see about that...
• A.J.: (voiceover) I can't wait for the surprise birthday party for Timmy at 3:00...
• Sanjay: (voiceover) ...with lots of candy and sweets!
• Elmer's Boil: Now. Take him down.
• Elmer: No! I won’t listen. We gotta go, Timmy! Bye!
• Timmy: So that's it! A surprise party for me!
• Wanda: Timmy, something is very wrong.
• Cosmo: Yeah! It's not your birthday! If it was, she would have put a cake in my head!
• Timmy: Guys, relax! I'll meet you in the gym at 3:00. It's perfectly safe! You guys can hide! And if anything goes wrong, you’ll be there for me.
• Wanda: To make it better.
• Cosmo: Or worse. I don’t know which. I’m not a mind reader!
• Timmy: (pretending to be oblivious) Gee, this strange note I found on my locker said to come to the gym at 3:00PM. I wonder what for?
• Kids: SURPRISE!
• Mr. Crocker: Yes, Turner. SURPRISE.
• Timmy: Uh-oh.
• Mr. Crocker: GUESS WHAT I'M THINKING?! OH, THAT'S RIGHT! YOU CAN'T! HA! HA!

[SFX: CLANG!]

• Timmy: Hey, I’m reading my own mind! Ow! I read my own mind!
• Mr. Crocker: Something wrong, Turner?!?
• Timmy: Just... a headache... I gotta go.
• Mr. Crocker: So soon? But we're about to play a game. A thinking game! Kids, what's your favorite color? Think it real loud! Come on, kids! Think! THINK!!!
• Kids: (voiceover) Purple! Green! Blue! Red! Mauve!
• Timmy: ARGH! TOO... MANY... THOUGHTS...
• Mr. Crocker: Favorite flavor of pie? Come on! Scream it in your heads!
• Kids: (voiceover) Raspberry! Blueberry!
• Elmer's Boil: Take over the world Barry!
• Kids: (voiceover) Cherry! Boston Creme! Apple! Lemon! Coconut! Boysenberry!
• Mr. Crocker: Want the pain to stop, Turner? Then admit it! Admit that you have Fairy Godparents!
• Timmy: Never! AHH!!! Gotta find Cosmo or Wanda and unwish... wish.
• Mr. Crocker: Favorite candy?
• Kids: (voiceover) Chocolate. Suckers. Jelly beans.
• Timmy: Can't... concentrate...
• Chester: Hey, it’s a new birthday dance!
• A.J.: C’mon everybody! Do it!
• Mr. Crocker: Now everybody pretend I'm giving a lecture and let your minds wander freely, while I videotape Turner admitting he has Fairies!

[The crowd of kids continues to give away thoughts of foods, colors, and other thoughts.]

• Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! Too much noise...Too many thoughts...If only I had a quiet place to not think...

[The music faints, but the music gets louder.]

• Cosmo: If you’re wondering why we’re basketballs, it’s a funny story…
• Timmy: Not now! I wish I couldn't read minds anymore!

[SFX: cricket noise]

• Timmy: Awesome. I can’t hear anyone’s thoughts except my own. Cool.
• Timmy: All right! I’ll admit it.
• Mr. Crocker: Ha ha!
• Timmy: I'll admit... It's not my birthday!
• Mr. Crocker: HUH?
• Timmy: Pop quiz! Who promised you candy if you'd all come to the gym and pretend it was my birthday?
• All Kids: CROCKER!
• Timmy: Who doesn't have candy?
• All Kids: CROCKER!!!
• Chester: Hey! You said there would be candy!
• A.J.: And brain food!
• Elmer: And something to stop my boil from controlling my thoughts!
• Elmer's Boil: SILENCE YOU FOOL!
• Sanjay: Produce for us now the sugary products!
• Mr. Crocker: Uh... Little help here?
• Francis: (waving a stick and referring to Crocker dangling above them) Hey! Maybe the candy's in this pinata!
• Mr. Crocker: GAH!!!!

[SFX: BRAWL WALLA]

• Wanda: You thinking what I'm thinking?
• Timmy: Nope! And that's just the way it should be! Who'da thunk Cosmo's empty-headedness would someday save us?
• Cosmo: Hey! Who are you calling empty-headed? I'm not empty-headed! Look! See?
• Cosmo: I've got candy! And Chip Skylark! Take it away, Chip!

[The song "My Shiny Teeth and Me" starts to play, then it iris out.]